Anger Air

Karl Rove - Archetect of Glass Houses

2010-09-15T15:39:00.000-07:00

This morning brings Karl Rove to Fox News throwing a childish tantrum over Christine O'Donnell's thorough shellacking of Rove's buddy, Mike Castle in the Delaware senate primary. Why did Rove go berserk? Was Castle paying Rove's consulting firm, Rove and Company, to run his campaign? I don't know, but it's likely.

Right out of the gate, Rove came out slinging mud at O'Donnell. Rove said O'Donnell had money problems, but offered no specifics. He said O'Donnell defaulted on her home mortgage years ago and her home was auctioned at a sheriff's sale. Rove then complained that O'Donnell's boyfriend won the home with the highest bid at that auction. Rove whined that O'Donnel finished college in 1993 but she just recently got her official college degree because she didn't pay off her student loans. Now that Rove has had a few more hours since his embarrassing outburst, you can bet he and his company are digging up all the mud they can find on this woman's past.

Let's take a look at each if these dirty little O'Donnell secrets and compare them to Rove's past.

In 1970, Rove used a fake identity to gain access to the campaign offices of Democrat Alan J. Dixon, who was running for State Treasurer in Illinois, where he stole 1000 sheets of paper with the Dixon campaign letterhead. He used the stationary to print fake campaign rally fliers promising "free beer, free food, girls and a good time for nothing", and distributed them at rock concerts and homeless shelters. Dixon's campaign was disrupted, but he was elected in the end.

So what do we have here. Identity theft, fraud and theft of property. Rove shrugs this episode off as a youthful prank. Yeah right. He was 19 at the time. Not what I would call a youth. You want to guess what would happen to a 19 year-old black man in Chicago arrested and charged with the same crimes?

Rove complains that O'Donnell's home was foreclosed by the mortgage holder. Has Rove actually seen a TV news program in the past couple of years? Is he deaf as well as blind? Some 5,000,000 Americans are facing foreclosure right now. At least O'Donnell knows what's it's like to have money problems and the burning pain and terror of having your home repossessed. Of course to Rove, these 5,000,000 Americans are just the sweaty, stinking middle class slobs wearing jeans and t-shirts, so he doesn't really give a shit. Isn't it ironic that Rove was as advisor to President George Bush, who's economic policies got us into our current financial mess in the first place. How convenient for Rove that he married a filthy rich Houston Socialite in 1976, whom he divorced four years later. With his propensity for theft and fraud, one might think he fleeced her pretty good and walked off with a ton of her money.

Then Rove complains that O'Donnell only just recently got her official college degree although she graduated from college in 1993. Rove said something about money problems and student loans not being paid. Let's see here. In 1969, Rove enrolled at the University of Utah on a $1,000 scholarship as a political science major. But in 1970 he was in Illinois working for Ralph Tyler Smith's unsuccessful Senatorial re-election campaign. Did Rove fulfill the scholarship to U of U or did he just walk away? The fact is Rove flitted around from university to university and to this day he does not have a college degree. Apparently, he was too busy stealing stationary and running dirty trick campaigns to be bothered with college.

Then there is the matter of O'Donnell's student loans. Here again, she is in good company. Considering all sectors of higher education, As of a year ago, default rates rose from 3.7 to 4 percent for private nonprofit schools, 5.9 to 6 percent for public nonprofit schools, and 11 to 11.6 percent for for-profit schools. The economy that Rove helped to create has gotten much worse since from then. There are 15,000,000 Americans out of work that we know of. How many of these are recent college grads who can't find jobs? But of course again, Rove could give a shit about them. He has his.

Lastly, Rove proclaims that the NRSC will not support O'Donnell in her campaign against Chris Coons. How does this pompous ass know that? Does this fucking idiot think his liaison with the Bush family gives him that much power? He is a private citizen now. He isn't out roaming the halls of the White House and Congress scoping out what he can steal. Last I heard, John Cornyn was running that show. I dare the NRSC to snub O'Donnell. All they will do is piss her off along with millions of other Americans who are cheering her on.

Rove's past is, shall I say, checkered. He is a three time loser at marriage. He is a con man. He is a theif. His mentor Bill Bennett is a degenerate gambler. He is a sore loser. He is a cry baby. He throws a lot of rocks for a guy who lives in a glass house. And, Jesus, he is ugly. I wish he would stay off of Fox News. It's embarassing. He should go over to MSNBC where he'll at least fit in and I won't have to see his ugly lying face. He should be out stealing or finishing his college degree. Christ, after 41 years you'd think this asshole could at least pull that off. But maybe he's just biding his time looking for the chance to steal the damn degree.

J

Helen Thomas - Good Riddence

2010-09-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

After 49 years as a reporter on the White House in one form or another, we are finally rid of Helen Thomas. The old crone finally blew her rather flimsy cover with her diatribe that Jews should "get the hell out of Palestine", and the Jews should go back to "Poland, Germany.... and America and everywhere else". Anyone with half a brain could clearly see over the years that she is a Jew hater. As for the so-called Palestinians, there is no such thing. They are just a group of nomads wandering with the seasons. There is no Palestine. The only reason these nomads think they are Palestinians is because some other Jew hating son-of-a-bitch convinced them to believe it.

In 2008, Thomas gave a speech at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where she said, "I censored myself for 50 years when I was a reporter. Now I wake up and ask myself, ‘Who do I hate today?’" You hate Jews Helen. We get it, OK?

Stick a fork in her. Thomas is finally done. Oh, she'll do the chicken and peas lecture circuit until she croaks off, but at least I no longer have to look at her face - a face that could stop a runaway freight train going down a steep hill. I don't apologize for saying that. She is ugly, OK? Helen Thomas is the worlds only known living gargoyl. Her irrational hatred of Jews just adds to her ugliness.

So, it's farewell to you, you scuzzy old Harpy. May the fleas of a million camels infest your rotten old crotch for as long as you live.

j

Eye of Newt

2010-09-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

Just after the 1998 elections, when Republicans lost five seats in the House, Newt Gingrich announced his resignation from his House seat and as Speaker. That was 12 fucking years ago. What the fuck is this ugly asshole of a has been doing on TV? A political consultant? What is he selling? Consulting Republicans on how to compromise with liberals and get their stupid asses voted out of office? Or perhaps how to fuck around on your wife and get caught? That's about the only thing this stupid cluster-fuck of a loser was any good at.

You can tell that little "Newtie", that's what his adoring mother used to call him, was raised by a single woman in his formative years. He still believes that fucking bullshit his mother cooed to him as she bounced him on her knee. "Ohhhhh Newtie, you are sooooooo wonderful". "Ohhhhh Newtie, your soooooo smart." "Ohhhhh Newtie, you are sooooooo pretty." Jesus Christ! He needed a father there to whip the shit out of him on principle just to teach him some humility if nothing else.

This fucking loser is too much. His dumped his first wife, who happened to be his high school geometry teacher (let your imagination run wild with that one) after he started dicking one Marianne Ginther, whom he wed in 1981. Then this sex fiend started fucking House staffer Callista Bisek in the mid-1990s. She is 23 years younger than little Newtie. This shit with Callista was going on when Newtie was calling for President Clinton's head for hosing Monica Lewinski. Wow! If hypocrisy were legal tender, this fucker could buy the whole God dammed galaxy.

Newtie, please do us all a favor and stop embarrassing yourself and the so-called conservative right. In principle, you are just as bad as Barny Frank. Fuck! What are you gonna do next? Marry him? Stay off of Fox News, put your little pecker in dry dock, put your fucking head down, go the fuck back to Georgia, be satasfied with your young wife, grow peanuts and cotton, and kindly shut the fuck up.

J

Little Joey and The View

2010-09-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, wasn't he so cute? Little Joey Biden on the View with that gaggle of sluts that host that piece of shit liberal propaganda program. Cute little Joey was asked about his dropping the so-called "F-Bomb" over the passage of Hussein's new health Care Bill. For those Americans who have their heads up their dumb asses and voted for this lunatic and his equally fucked-up running mate, those filthy cunts were referring to cute little Joey saying to his President, 'This is fucking huge', while he was still in range of the microphone.

Cute little Joe just sat there and grinned with that 'oh, what a good boy am I" look on his face while the lunatic sluts in the audience applauded along with the liberal slut hosts. Isn't he wonderful? He said 'Fuck!" Goddamn, what a Statesman, what a good boy he is. I wonder if those whores felt that "tingle" going up their legs, or did they just piss their panties?

After the show, (and brother it was a show wasn't it?)the slut hosts surly grabbed little Joey backstage and sucked little Joey's Vice Presidential cock. Then they went into the dressing room and had a lesbian orgy.

This is the best ABC can do for their pinko God, Hussein Obama and their new and fundamentally changed America? Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Sherri Shepherd and Barbara Walters. Never in the history of daytime TV for women, has there been a better collection of screeching liberal harpies in one place. The adoring, mostly female fans of this gaggle of bubble headed bitches eat and digest every line of shit the hosts puke out. "Ohhhhhh", they are sooooooooooooo chic.

Where the hell was abortion when these filthy liberal cunts and their adoring fan's mothers were pregnant with them?

J

No Fat Child Left Behind

2010-09-13T13:23:00.000-07:00

First lady Michelle Obama says she loves burgers and fries, but she wants her daughters — and the rest of America's children — to learn about better nutrition and exercise. No honest person can deny that our current First lady is a stunning beauty. The most beautiful face, she is a real heart breaker. In my lifetime, Mrs. Obama is the most lovely First Lady ever. What about Jackie Kennedy?, you ask. Not even a contest. Mrs. Kennedy had an ineresting face, but not beautiful. In the end, she was just another gold digging female.

Back to the burgers and fries, have you ever seen such hypocrisy? With all due respect, our First Lady's ass is so big they had to widen the door passages in the White house just so she could fit through them. They had to increase the horsepower of Air Force One and Air Force Two just so it can take off when she is aboard.

All her lovelyness aside, there is your typical liberal mindset. It's OK that she has a massive fat ass while she preaches against obesity. If she'd stop flitting around the globe with her friends, eating like a king with Kings and staying at luxury resorts at taxpayers expense, she'd have time to spend on a treadmill. Christ knows she could use the exercise.

Michelle, be the good little wife will you? If you want to keep your man from looking around, put your head down and keep your mouth shut - and for Christs sake, loose that big fat ass.

J

Hate list #2, I'll Fight For You!

2010-09-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

Hate List #2

Ah, the political season is in high gear. The Washington insiders are are running around with their pee pees in a knot trying to distance themselves from Hussein Obama. The traditional network news divisions are working overtime trying to cover the asses of their favorite fuck-up liberal Congressman. MSNBC has transformed itself from a pinko liberal propaganda machine into a comedy act. Chris Matthews, the official pinko liberal mouthpiece, is lying about his own lies. Even liberal shit stick Dan Rather smacked him down. You can't make this shit up.

On the local scene, it's the same old tired shit. Candidate A proclaims, "Ill fight for you!". Candidate B proclaims "Ill fight for you!". Candidate C proclaims "Ill fight for you!". I fucking hate that shit. They all sound like carnival barkers - no offense to carnival barkers.

What the fuck are they going to fight about? It isn't for "you" I can assure you that. All these bozo's want is to go to their Statehouse or Washington so they can fight over who get's the most graft from the fattest lobbyests. They know if they win, they'll be showered with cash, parties, dinners, gifts, and all the eight year-old boys and girls they wish. In the meantime, try to talk to them. Try to get a reply to a letter. At most you'll get a canned response from an aid, whom the good Senator is most likely butt fucking while he isn't busy fucking you.

Hey Mr. and Ms. Politician! I have something for you. You want to fight? Climb up my ass and fight for air you no good cocksucker, you and the whole fucking lot of perverts that vote for you.

J

Hate List #1 - Tomato Tomahaaaaaaaato

2010-09-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

Now I begin lists of things I hate, besides all the shit I have to put up with when I fly. These are the things that people say or do that cause me to grind my teeth.

This Hate List #1.

You can tell an east-coaster from a west-coaster by the way they pronounce the state of Nevada. The easterners mispronounce it. They say Na VHaaaaaaaa Da. I fucking hate that. If this is you, I have a message for you. Hey dip shit, do you think you sound sophisticated? It's pronounced Ne Va Da. The "Va" sounds like the word Vat (like a vessel)without the "t". You got it now you ignorant fuck?

Then there is the word Caribbean. This one really blows me away. I have been to the Caribbean dozens of times. On my first visit, I paid a resident, his name is James, to drive me around Nassau and show me the sights and other things of interest. Yeah, you got it - the best restaurants, bars, and whore houses, OK? I told James I was unsure of the correct way to say Caribbean. He got a laugh out of that because I got it right the very first time. It's pronounced "Care a bee n", NOT "Ca RIB ian". James said the locals just hate those who mispronounce Caribbean, but they are just stupid tourists and it's easy to separate them from their money with worthless trinkets and bath tub rum the locals wouldn't feed to their pigs. But they tolerate them. Fuck those idiots. I told James he should fill them up with the rotgut rum, take them to the nastiest, disease-ridden whore in town, and then feed them to the sharks. James and I became life-long buddies after I told him that. I've had many fine dinners with James and his family. His wife is gracious and beautiful, and a first class cook.

So, to all you ignorant shit holes who think you are sooooooooo sophisticated while making an ass out of yourself - say it right or FUCK YOU! Oh, forget that, fuck you anyway you say it.

J

Verizon, Tattoos and Bloody Panties

2010-05-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

Today didn't start as a typical day. I actually awoke in a good mood for a change, fixed myself a yummy breakfast and then hit the showers. Since I haven't cut my hair in over 18-months now, it takes me a bit longer to groom. Heh, heh, heh. Imagine me, "Mr. Buttoned Down All Business", with long, curly black locks down to the middle of my back.

Ever since my health problems last year, my personality has changed - Big Time! Sleep Apnea damn near killed me - well, it actually did kill me but I was found and revived in just the nick of time. The medics had do a tracheotomy to get and keep me breathing again. I had a cannula in my neck for just over four months, but the maintenance and constant infections were more than I could handle, so I had my surgeon take it out. Now I have a huge fucking hole in my neck that I camouflage with a bandanna, but I'd rather have the hole and pass away in my sleep rathar than suffering an awful death from sepsis.

The hideous little secret about "obstructive sleep apnea" is that the lack of oxygen and sleep cause the memory center of the victim's brain to shrink. NOT GOOD. This is considered by experts to be a serious brain injury resulting in a loss of memory. Even more insidious, sleep apnea can also lead to stroke, heart attack and diabetes. Do you snore loudly when you (try to) sleep? Better have your physician schedule a sleep study asap!

Anyway.....

My personality took a 180 degree turn. I'm happier, (thanks to the miracle drugs prescribed by my medical team)less stressed and quite frankly I don't give a shit. There are only four things in my life that really piss me off - politicians, especially gutless Republicans, paying bills, females with tattoos, and bloody panties soaking in the bathroom sink - I really fucking hate that one.

Anyway.......

I've been putting off paying bills for a couple of weeks. I had the money but I just didn't feel like parting with it. I trudged off to my Metropolitan Districts offices to pay my water bill. It was $86.00 and some change - ok - I paid the fucker and managed to keep a smile on my face and exchange pleasantries with the young lady at the counter. Then I was off to pay the electric bill - $192.00 - that was a small one. I've had them as high as $500.00 and change. I hate that fucking company, San Isabel Electric Association. Those lousy fucks buy power at wholesale rates then re-sell at three times the going rate of Aquila Energy, which serves the other 90% of the county. I just happen to live in the small area serviced by these rotten cocksuckers. When their franchise with the Metro District is up, I'm going to challenge any renewal. It won't do any good. They have plenty of cash to pay off the cock sucking politicians that run this Goddamn fucking slum.

I copped a bad mood when I saw that the young lady behind the counter had a tattoo on her arm. Fucking whore. I gave her the exact amount in cash and she said, "do you want to pay the $10.00 late fee now?" I asked her what late fee and she said anything paid after the 22nd of the month would get a late fee of $10.00. I asked her to waive it - they have done it for me before - for a fraction of a second I could see this bitch sizing me up; long hair, t-shirt, shorts and sneakers. The little cunt said she couldn't. I yelled "then fucking don't!" - threw a $10.00 bill at her and demanded my receipt NOW! She hesitated for just a second - probably considering calling in her supervisor - but then she stapled a receipt to the invoice and handed it over. Had she called in a supervisor, I wouldn't be writing this - I'd be in jail for assault... or worse.

Then I headed off to the Post Office to mail Verizon the last $228.00 of a $300.00 plus penalty for early cancellation of my cell service. My stomach turned over when I dropped that check in the mail box. I had two cell phones and one Internet adapter for my laptop. It cost me $100.00 plus per device to get out of my plan. I hate these fuckers more than I hate the electric company. These slimy fucks arbitrarily added $4.50 per month to my bill for insurance on my cell equipment. I didn't ask for it. I didn't buy it. I didn't know about it until I saw the fucker on my monthly invoice. Son-of-a-bitches. Just imagine the cash they rake in when they do this to 40 million customers. Let's just say only half of their customer base caught the charge, and only half of them threw a bitch and demanded credit, while the other half shrugged their shoulders and said oh well, it's not that much. That leaves 30 million idiots paying $4.50 per month for nothing. Crunch those fucking numbers and you get the biggest mother-fucking rip-off in the history of the planet. Here is the good part. Verizon starts you out with a two-year obligation. Then, anytime you revise your plan or the hinges break on the cheap shit Verizon phone and you have to buy a replacement, or you buy a dog shit Verizon Blue-Tooth accessory, BAM!, they re-up your plan back to two years. Verizon literally owns your ass. It cost me over $300 bucks to get away from those fucking criminals but it was worth every fucking penny. I thought about filing a complaint with the FCC and my Congressman - HA! there is the brain injury at work - Verizon has so much money from ripping off their idiots.....I mean customers, that they are likely lavishing every politician and bureaucrat with tons of cash and whores - so forgetaboutit.

Now I'm off to Comcast to pay them and my mood is dark. The combined fucking bill for my cable and Internet was just over $100.00. I kept my mouth shut and ponied up the cash. Over $1,200.00 per year just to watch Fox News and The Weather Channel. I'm surly out of my fucking mind. Shit. The insurance on my Excursion isn't that expensive. Remember way back in the 1960's when there were "Drive-In Movie Theaters"?. During intermission they would run an advertisement arguing against Cable TV? They depicted cable as a toothy monster chewing up cash.....and boy....., they weren't fucking kidding. Cable TV put the vast majority of mom and pop movie theaters and Drive-In's out of business, and ended up ripping another hole in our asses. There is still one drive-in theater left in my town - perhaps the only one left in the entire State of Colorado - and it has three screens now instead of one. Why in the fuck they would need three screens is beyond me. One can only squeeze so many vehicles into the property. I think this Drive-In's days are numbered. Let's face it, there are only two reasons people go to the drive-in; teenagers can feel each other up and fuck their brains out and young married couples with screaming children (conceived at the drive-in no doubt) can see a first run movie and they don't have to clean up the noisy little fuckers. Now days, teenagers are more sophisticated. They simply pick up a few burgers at McDonalds,have their older cousin buy them a six pack of Bud, and get a room at a Super 8. This is the only way to go - there is a real bed and air conditioning. The teens can fuck their brains out and then take a shower to wash the sex stink off before they take their dates home.

Anyway........

After Comcast, I headed to Safeway to pick up some groceries. I didn't buy much; milk, bread, cheap hamburger, lunch meat, some fruit, a few veggies, and the tab was nearly $70.00. To add insult to injury, the somewhat attractive young lady(?) that checked me out was moving her shoulders about and I asked her if she was OK. She said her back was itching due to a new tattoo. She couldn't have been much older than 18 or 19 years-old. I asked her what compelled her to disfigure herself with such a filthy thing. She said that she and her mother(?) both got tattoos on their backs at the same time. I was literally floored. I took a shot at her - I couldn't help myself - I asked her, "Who in the hell was going to see a tattoo on her back....RUFF, RUFF, RUFF". The little whore just laughed when she should have came flying over the counter, fingernails flashing, going straight for my eyes. Believe me, I would have respected her a lot more had she done that. I can only ascertain that her so-called mother is trying to be her best friend, and that both of them are nothing but fucking sluts. Maybe they do threesomes on the side on a strictly cash basis. Oh well, one has to do what one must to make a buck these days. I should know. I'm out just over three hours and I'm lighter by almost $700 bucks. The good mood shit is over and it turned out to be just another typical fucking day.

j

AZ Immigration Problem Solved!

2010-05-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

Governor Jan Brewer, along with the whole fucking state of Arizona are taking shit from a bunch of Marxist assholes that are sticking their noses where it doesn't belong. Congressman, Luis V. Gutierrez, Jessie fucking Jackson and the not so Reverend Al Sharpton - three of the worst racists on the planet, are leading the call for boycotts and cancellation of sporting events in Arizona. These fucking bozo's and their respective merry bands of Marxists are off the beaten path here. Sharpton is the single best argument for not mixing religion with politics. Gutierrez has his own set of problems, like more people murdered in Chicago this year than U.S. service men and women killed in combat action in Afghanistan in the same time period. Jessie fucking Jackson can go fuck himself. He's made a massive fortune peddling his racist shit. But Jackson has been trying to help his race you say? You think this racist fuck calling New York City "Hyme Town" helps blacks? Give me a fucking break. He is the worst of the hate-mongering racists. Jackson is the George Wallace of the black race.

But forget those assholes. I have the answer to solve all of Arizona's dilemma. It's so simple, only a fucking head up their ass Republican is too fucking dumb to figure it out.

Here is the answer. The State of Arizona will charter or purchase a fleet of passenger buses and hire drivers. Every illegal that is apprehended in Arizona will not be arrrested, but will be put on a bus and shipped, with a chaparone, to Chicago and the Harlem section of Manhattan. This is only right, just, and what is best for the so-called illegals since Gutierrez and Sharpton care so much about them. Better still, Arizona and the Border Patrol should throw the border wide open and have the buses waiting at all the border crossings and invite any and all Mexicans that want to come to the U. S. to come on in. Free bus ride and all the free cerveza one can drink for those who wish to immigrate. Gutierrez and Sharpton are so concerned with their 'rights', they'll certainly will be waiting for them with open arm and a welcoming committee.

There it is Governor Brewer. It's a hell of a lot cheaper to bus these people to where they will be welcome and loved than to pay for all the shit you have to go through to kick their asses out. The cost of this program, including the beer is minicule compaired to the expenses you are now facing. Problem solved.

Beyond Arizona, I would suggest the same action for all states with international borders and shipping ports. It's not just the Mexicans sneaking in. San Francisco and Los Angeles have a problem with illegals the Far East. New York along with all of the East Coast have a problem with illegals from the Caribbean, Africa and Eastern Europe. Open the ports in New York to everyone who wants to come and the rest can ship their problems to Chicago. Win! Win! Every body is happy.

j

Hey Obama! Your Slip Is Showing

2010-05-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

Our illustrious President Karl Obam ....opps....I mean Barak Obama got off the script during a speech the other day and announced, "I do think at a certain point you’ve made enough money”. Well, well, well. One more veil drops to expose another segment of Obama's Marxist philosophy for "fundamental change" to our way of life.

President Obama agrees with his "Pay Czar", Kenneth Feinberg, that no one should make over $500,000.00 per year.............but there are exceptions to this rule - Like President and Mrs. Obama who took in a cool $5,505,409.00 in 2009. You think they'll give the five million back to the Treasury? There is your typical pinko attitude. I'm your ruler. You are my slave. I'm the exception to my own rules and you can go fuck yourself. By the way, my Union Boss buddies are the exception too.

You dumb fucking assholes wanted change and voted for Obamarx. Well, you got it baby. Wait until Obamarx appoints his medical care death squad, who will decide whom will get medical care and whom is too elderly or sick to receive treatment and left to die on the street like an old dog. Perhaps former Colorado Governor Dick Lamm will head the death squad. Lamm, who said in 1984 (note the date) that the elderly and infirm 'have got a duty to die and get out of the way.'I wonder if the 75 year old Mr. Lamm and his wife Dottie, who is also in her 70's, will treat themselves to medical care now? They are, after all, in their mid 70's, which in any book is "elderly". I'll bet anyone 1,000 to 1 that when Dick and Dottie take ill, and they surly will, they'll receive the best health care the taxpayers money can buy.

We'll all get there eventually, but our rulers will be the exception and you are the dog. Think about that the next time you bow down to worship any politician, especially a liberal.

Way To Go Iraq!

2010-04-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

I have been laughing my ass off for hours. The United Nations has just appointed Iraq to the U.N.'s "Women's Rights Commission". Our illustrious President Obama's woman at the U.N., Ambassador Susan E Rice, must have been watching porn with her Wall Street buddies or on crack to allow this to happen without objection or demand a vote. Maybe she just had her head up her ass like the rest of Obama's merry band of fucking Marxists. More likely, the lazy bitch slept in and missed the entire meeting

Just an aside: if it weren't for Fox News, this story would have never got out. The main stream Marxist press is ignoring this as not to embarrass their messiah. But even Fox is too fucking chickenshit and afraid of what could happen should they name the ambassador or show a picture of her. All Al Sharpton has to do is snap his fingers and all of Harlem heads for Mid-Town and burns Fox to the ground...... and Fox knows Sharpton would get away with it.

What the fuck is up with this stupid bitch? I guess Ambassador Rice doesn't care that women in Iraq are routinely beaten, raped and murdered for the egregious crime of wanting an education, having a suntan or trying to divorce their insane husbands who beat the shit out of them every fucking day just for kicks.

But I don't know if this is really a bad thing. Perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to judge Iraqi men too harshly. Sharia law make it fully legal for them to beat and even murder not only their wives and daughters, but any woman accused of a transgression, like going unescorted to the market or showing her face in public. Maybe they have the right idea.

The one sure thing about men in the U.S. They are thoroughly pussy whipped. Our dumb ass male lawmakers passed laws that protect women and allow them to financially rip your balls off just because they want to run off with the pool guy she has been fucking for the last three years. You lose it all because her panties are on fire. Is this the "Christian" thing to do? That is a crock of shit no matter how you slice it.

It's time to level the playing field. I hereby call on all of our male lawmakers, Local, State and National, while we still hold the majority, to use Sharia law as a model for a new set of regulations governing U.S. women. Shit, I'm ready to dust off the old Louisville Slugger right the fuck now and get started.

Republicans, Wha, Wha, Wha !!!

2010-03-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

I’m getting a charge out of watching all the Republican Senators and Congressmen whine about the shitty way Obama and his merry band of Marxists rammed through the so called “Healthcare Legislation”. These fucking morons had ample opportunity to “do something” about healthcare and immigration not to long ago when they enjoyed majority status – and they fucking blew it. But look at the Republican Party the way it is today, not a shit-bit of difference from the Pinko-commie Democrats.

Where is the dividing line? Government funded abortion. These days, who really gives a fuck? Let the Government pay for all abortions, the more the merrier. Fuck the Goddamn Doctors; let the local butcher suction the little fuckers right out of their whore mother’s womb all they want. Don’t set a price; let these assholes compete for the business. Hell, they can have two-for-one specials if you bring a friend, or even a coupon day.

Shit, I’ll take this even farther; make it legal to murder your kid up to age 6. That way if you wind up with an ugly little bastard, or a retard, you can simply take the little fucker out in the back yard, hang it upside down on the clothes line and cut it’s throat. Bleed them out like a fucking chicken. Hell, there might even be a new market out there. Think of it; Bar-B-Q kid, just like a suckling pig. That cunt Nancy Pelosi would love it. Just think, if we could legally murder children, we could open up a whole new market.

The chicken shit Republicans didn’t dare take any action to lower costs by ferreting out fraud and corruption in the existing government healthcare programs. They were afraid they would piss off the so-called “Hispanics” and other minorities and not get their vote in the next election. I have news for those dumb cocksuckers; YOU’LL NEVER GET ANY SIGNIFICANT VOTES FROM so-called MINORITIES!! No matter what you do, or don’t do, they just aren’t going to fucking vote for you…..PERIOD! They are going to vote DEMOCRAT! Why do you think the Democrats do nothing to stop illegal immigration – these are Democrat voters coming in. The Democrats, unlike the Republicans, aren’t entirely stupid.

I’ll not cast a bad light on just the minorities. There are the so-called senior citizens, Joe College fuck-offs and environmentalists. The old fossils aren’t going to stand for anything that they perceive will cut into their bag of goodies. If the stroked out morons only knew that cutting fraud and waste would mean more money available for more goodies. “By God”, they say, “ I fought in the war, WW-2. The big one, or Korea, or Vietnam and I have it coming to me”. With all due respect to their service, I can’t believe these “patriots” would wish to fuck their grand children right up the ass, because that is who will be the big losers.

The flea-bitten environmentalists and friends of wild animals are another story. These foul-smelling jack-offs would have the entire human race killed off just to save a whale. You want to know why you pay through the ass for gasoline and fuel to heat and cool your home? This mass of walking human shit have made it all but impossible to drill for oil, natural gas, and coal – the very fuel we use to fire our power plants. When was the last time we built a nuclear power plant in the U.S.? The cheapest form of energy on the fucking planet. Fuck. I can’t remember. The pinko French have over 100 functioning nuke plants today. Christ knows how many the drunken-ass Russians have. Not that the dumb-assed, reeking citizens of France save any money. They are a communist nation and the people take it up the ass on everything they earn – fuck, someone has to pay for their national healthcare program. The fucking Chinese, who are economically kicking our very asses by the way, are building so many nuke powered plants that General Electric and Bechtel have work for the next 250-years. I guess the ‘save the whales” shit-heads don’t give a fuck about the wildlife in those countries, but saving animals isn’t their agenda anyway. They want to destroy the U.S. and all it USED TO STAND FOR. They are doing a good job of it. It won’t be long now.

Speaking of whales, I laughed my ass off when I heard about the marine biologist getting rubbed out by the Killer Whale at Sea World Florida. Stupid cunt, fucking around with a wild animal got what she deserved to get. I even recorded all the footage of the murder I could get my hands on so I could play it when I needed a good laugh. What is Sea World management going to do with this human killer? Nothing. Shit, they’ll probably reward the fucker with an extra ration of fish.

Today’s college students are a real piece of work. These days, anyone can get into a university. It used to be you had to have some measure of intelligence to qualify. Now all it takes is a rich daddy or a government grant; and the dumber one is, the easier it is to get the government money. Sure there are a few who really belong in college but their numbers are so few, they are insignificant, so fuck em’ all. By the time these bozos get their diploma, they’ll be doped out, fucked out, freaked out, brainwashed commies. They’ll all go to Washington D.C. to run the country. They couldn’t do much worse than the chicken shit cocksuckers whom are currently doing the job.

Who is to blame you say? Look in the mirror you stupid cocksucker.

j

I'm Back

2010-03-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

It's been almost three years since I posted a blog - and it's been a fucked up three years to say the least. I was lured away from the sweetest job I ever had by another fashion company with an offer of 150% of what I was making at the old company. The National Sales manager was, I thought, a friend of mine. He seduced me with a line of shit and I bit; hook - line - and sinker. Three months into this shitty job, the chicken shit, grease ball, rag-headed mother fucking management claimed they lost their financing and they laid me off. That left me pretty well fucked. I couldn't collect unemployment because I didn't put in enough quarters with these cocksuckers and I quit my last job. I hope those greasy camel jockeys all get prostate cancer - I hope my alleged friend who sucked me into this shit, gets fucked as bad as he fucked me.

I've had a series of commission only fuck jobs since then - one shit shoe company after another; I even broke out the old Master Plumber license from 35-years ago and worked for Candlelight Services/Benjamin Franklin Plumbing in Denver. They worked me for three months and then laid me off just before the insurance was to kick in. I did make some pretty good money on commissions, but I hated those guys. I never saw a bigger bunch of incompetent, ass licking assholes in my life. My problem is I knew what I was doing and I didn't suck ass. I was all business, as usual. Only worked three months - no unemployment compensation there either, unless you can count me getting in the best physical condition I've been in in 25-years.

You might be wondering why a fashion/function shoe salesman had a Master Plumber license? My father owned his own plumbing and heating company. I grew up working in the business. I started out at age 12 with a pick and shovel digging trenches for his journeyman plumbers and worked my way up. It's in my blood and there is no getting away from it. I kept up with all the code changes all those years just out of habit. Alas, my daddy was an honest man with a heart. He helped people in need and treated his employees better than his own family. He passed away in 2000, with little more than the shirt on his back.

My last gig ( from late March 2009 until March 15Th 2010, was with a shoe company out of New Jersey. I knew little about the owner but I heard he had his share of ups and downs over the years. He is a Sicilian American. Since I'm half Sicilian and half Ashkenazi Jew, I figured I would be somewhat safe with him as long as I didn't fuck up any big deals. Recently, he took on a well-known multi-national Korean corporation as a partner.

He has the licenses for several burned out brands and one halfway decent line, He recently acquired the license for a prestigious luxury U.S. Automobile brand. I won't identify the brand name but when you see them on the shelf or the street, You'll know who it is. How he pulled that one off I'll never know. I think the Koreans had a lot to do with it, or maybe since the U.S. Government now owns 50% of the company, he had a political connection.

As soon as I heard about the new brand acquisition, I knew it had to be a winner. One would have to really go out of their way to fuck it up. When I received the first round of samples I looked them over and had a massive orgasm. They were awesome. I immediately set out for California with my new bag of treasures and a small collection of the best of the other brands. The initial reception from retail buyers was cold to say the least, but since one of my other brands had some hot items that they needed, I bent their arms and forced them to buy some of the new brand.

The shoes hit retail and took off like a rocket. Everyone, retailers, us, the factories, were out of stock immediately. My phone started ringing with every retailer in the Western U.S. calling for the brand. I started placing orders for delivery months in advance, as well as demanding at once delivery orders from the other lower tier brands I carried. You want the big name? you have to take some of the other brands I offer. If not, go fuck yourself. This held true for retailers with one store to chains of 800 stores or more. That's just the way I do business - and guess what? - all of the brands they refused to stock were suddenly selling like soap. Just goes to show you if you ain't got it, you sure as hell can't sell it.

Either way, these weaker brands should have had a larger presence at retail but the weak fucks that were supposed to be selling it just gave up when the customer said "NO". That isn't my MO
I keep banging away until the customer says yes or throws me out in the street on my ass. Most salesmen are weak assholes. Their knees buckle at he first sign of resistance. Order takers - not salesmen. Fuck-em.

My 30-years of experience tells me the new line and better existing lines would be worth a minimum of $40 million dollars in the Western U.S. in a couple of years. This figure is actually much lower than I'm accustom to but I usually sell product with a whosale average of $35.00. The average price per pair of these lines is about $15.00 per pair. The commission is a chicken shit 5% but at $40 million, that's $2 million a year in commissions. My expenses these days would run about $100 thousand so I'd be taxed on $1.9 million. I'll take it! Well, these numbers were not lost on the owners either so as soon as I had every worthwhile major shoe retailer in the Western U.S. on board and running smooth, they informed me that my services were no longer required. Their lame ass excuse was the owner wanted to change direction and deal with the majors himself so he could give them a better deal. BULLSHIT! I charged my buyers full price for the products because they were worth every penny and they NEVER complained that I offered no discounts. Had I given any discount, the cheap fuck owners would have dropped my commission down to a draconian 3%. Fuck, the in-house (employee) salesmen routinely handed out discounts like it was candy. Those weak fucks are on salary with expenses paid. I was paying for my keep out of my own pocket.

It's over now. No sence crying about it. It's not the first time I took it up the ass, but this time I feel like I got raped by a T - Rex instead of an elephant. It really hurt both body and soul. I think I'm done now - stick a fork in me. I've been working while I was very ill; my legs have had it, my sleep apnia killed me once already and it was just dumb luck I was found and revived. My wife has been ill for years and with no insurance I have spent virtually all my hard-earned fortune. She is totally disabled and with the shape I'm in with all the problems I believe I can qualify for SSI. I'm going to try. Hopefully, I'll qualify and perhaps keep my home and other assets. If not, I'll find a way to survive, but it'll never be the same. If I were offered an excellent job with salery and benefits I doubt I'd take it. The shit over the years has worn me down, broken my body and taken my spirit. I'm all fucked out. What company wold hire an employee they couldn't fuck?

jm

Who Cries for Paris?

2007-06-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

I got into Los Angeles late last night after a hectic week in hot and muggy Dallas. That cool Pacific coast air never tasted so good, even with the pollution. The airport was a frigging zoo. I've never seen it so busy, but my luggage came down before I finished a cigarette.

As I drove to my hotel, I tuned the radio in my rental car to KFI and heard a report that the Judge that sentenced Paris Hilton to jail was miffed that Sheriff Baca had cut her loose to finish her jail time at home. Now today, Ms Hilton is on her way back to jail. If I'd been busted just once for driving with a suspended license and failed to appear for court ordered alcohol classes, you can bet I'd be in the slammer and not as anal-retentive as I was before. Hilton was busted twice and then pissed off the judge because she showed up late for court.

I'm no fan of Paris Hilton. Her original 45-day jail sentence was a sweet deal by any standard. She broke the law and now she has to do the time just like the rest of us slobs. I truly feel this way but when I saw the pictures of her crying in the back of that police car.........I wept. When I read about her crying for her mother after the judge ordered her back to jail.......I wept.

I cried not only for the broken little lost soul in the back of that police car, but I cried for the judge and the prosecutors who were just doing their jobs. What a shitty fucking business. Don't get me wrong. I haven't completely lost it. I'm plenty pissed off by this whole mess, and 100% of that anger is directed at Paris' bitch of a cunting mother.

Kathy Hilton is a fucking piece of shit who failed as a mother. For the past several years, her daughter has been acting like a two-bit slut. Sex videos all over the inter net, crotch shots of Paris while she wasn't wearing underwear, drunken and doped up club hopping, etc, etc, etc. Where was her mother during all this. I don't give a fuck that Paris is 25-years old and can do as she pleases (as long as she is willing to do the time). This goes way back to how Paris was raised, and I can only summarize that she was raised as a slut by the biggest slut of them all....her cunting mother.

If Kathy Hilton had any decency, it would have shown in her child. A lot of cunting mothers are raising their daughters the same way....trying to be their best friend instead of a mother. Yes, I do hold Paris personally accountable for the shit she has gotten into, but I'll not get pissed off at her when I can blame her cunting mother.

And before you say, "well, what about her father", don't even get me started on that weak piece of shit..........................

jr

Nobody Cares (Boo Hoo Hoo)

2007-04-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I read a letter to the editor in USA Today that really set me off. Before I go on, let me make clear that I hate that fucking liberal rag of a newspaper. I only read it when I'm on the road and it's left at my hotel room door in the morning. It's great for passing time when having that early morning dump, that's all. Anyway, the author of the letter was whining because only ticketed passengers were allowed to pass through security at airports. "I don't get to say goodbye to loved ones and no one cares", he whines.

Hey dick-head! I got some news for you. Lines to get through security are getting longer and you want to add to TSA's workload? I have to wake up an hour earlier and stand in security lines for an hour so you can see your sack of shit wife or "granny" off?

As it is, airport concourses are crowded with legitimate travelers. There aren't enough chairs to accommodate everyone. The restaurants and lounges are filled to capacity. The line to get a cup of Starbucks is never less than twenty people deep, and one has to stand in line for the honor of taking a piss in the filthy, smelly airport restrooms.

Yeah dick-head. You're 100% right about one thing. I don't care about you or your fucking piece of shit family. If saying goodbye at the curb like normal people isn't good enough for you, then you can piss off, you fucking narcissistic moron.

jr

How Dumb Can One Get?

2006-11-24T17:28:00.000-08:00

I'm changing planes in Denver while flying home from an especially brutal sales meeting in San Diego. After that meeting, I had little tolerance left for incompetence and stupidity.

My ass was dragging as I walked to the opposite side of Terminal B, not using the people movers because they were jammed up with families headed for Thanksgiving Day at grannies; their spoiled rotten spawn walking - running - tumbling - etc - the opposite direction it was moving. I had the extra time so I decided to go up to the smokers lounge for a drink and a couple of smokes to see me through the balance of the trip.

As I headed for the escalator to the lounge, an older woman stopped me by grabbing onto my arm. Not a smart move in any circumstance. Pointing to the sign above that said "Gates 34B - 18B (with an arrow pointing up to designate straight ahead)", the lady asked me....."My plane is at Gate 23B. Does that arrow mean I have to go up?"

I couldn't restrain myself...........I let out a "guffaw" and said, "JesusHChrist" lady, are you nuts?" She didn't answer, but that deer in the headlights look on her face told me what I needed to know. I explained to her that the arrow meant straight ahead, not up, and that she should walk on the left side where the odd numbered gates were. Then she said, "Which side was left?"

That did it. I can't take it any more. I turned away from her and headed up to the smoking lounge where I slammed down five Crown Royal's on the rocks in ten minutes and smoked my brains out.

I remember getting onto my flight, but the drive home was a little foggy.

j

The Lord taketh away

2006-09-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

August 31, 2006. A day I'll never forget. I was bored with the company I was working for and let myself get recruited to another company that needs my expertise. I won't go into the details, but a lot of promises were made to lure me in and now those promises are not being kept. Thus, I've been a bit edgy this past month.

Such was the case on August, 31st, the last day of a trade show in Las Vegas. I'd had a can full of the typical corporate cliches and rah-rah bullshit. I just wanted to get the fuck out of that convention hall and work with real customers. I left early so I could see an account in Henderson, and when the appointment was over, they gave me a lift to McCarren. The timing was good as I arrived about an hour before my flight was scheduled for take-off.

There was quite a line at check in, but it was moving fast and I was soon on my way to concourse D. I got there only to discover my flight to Denver was delayed one hour. Ok, no problem. I got a snack and a coke, and started playing the slots. I won $77 bucks (The Lord Giveth) and felt pretty good. Then, another 30-minutes was added to the delay. Now, I knew I was in danger of missing my connection in Denver. That snack started to rumble in my gut.

As it was, there were no more delays, we took off, and I figured I'd make my connection with about 5 minutes to spare. I leaned my chair back and didn't wake up until we landed in Denver. I have to get from Terminal A to terminal B to make the connection, so I didn't waste any time getting to the train. At terminal B, I checked the monitors and saw that my connection had been delayed for one and one-half hours. This would put me into Colorado Springs at about midnight. I was starving so I headed for the restaurants, but they were all closing as it was about 10:30 pm. OK, no problem. I grabbed a bag of peanuts at a news stand and headed for the Smoking Lounge. They were busy. I sat down and ordered a bloody mary to have with my peanuts. I ended up drinking two bloody marys........I never have more than one drink, but the first one took the edge off and I thought "what the hell".

The lounge was closing so I headed for the gate only to find another half-hour delay. Fuck! It's almost 11:00 pm. I'm tired. I'm pissed off. I just want to go home. Finally, the jet arrived - we boarded - I was sleeping before we pushed back. I woke up when we landed in Colorado Springs. It was now 12:50 am. Headed to collect the luggage and waited......and waited.....and waited. It seems the cargo door on the jet was stuck. What the fuck else can happen? Finally, the luggage came.

The drive home was uneventful until a county sheriff pulls me over. He says I was doing 67 mph in a 45 mph zone. He said his "office" was getting a lot of complaints from people in the area. I told him I wasn't watching my speed, but this is a rural area and at 1:35 in the morning, who in the hell would be complaining? The cop didn't like this and I had to be careful because I had two bloody mary's to worry about. He took my information back to his cruiser, but before he left, he told me to not get out of the vehicle. About ten minutes went buy and I saw another cruiser pull up with the words supervisor on the side. Uh oh. Now I'm really worried, and thinking about the whole deal, I'm not so sure I was speeding in the first place. But, I couldn't argue because I was afraid the bastard would want me to take a breath test.....which I would have refused....and then the shit would have really started.

The cop finally comes back to the window with my ticket in hand. He says he gave me a break and wrote me up for doing less than 20 mph over the limit. The fine would be $77.00. (The Lord Taketh Away) What could I do? I had the drinks....he had the gun and back-up. I signed the fucking ticket and went home. The County Sheriff is a personal friend and up for re-election. I thought I'd go see him next week before I paid the fine, but he might think I was being an ass since he is up for re-election. I don't want to put him on the spot, so I'll just eat the fucking $77.00 and chalk it up to experience.

jr

Silver Lining

2006-08-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

I'm out of my funk. New TSA regulations banning almost all liquids on airplanes, and the resultant sour faces and whining have re-charged my batteries.

I'm realizing maximum satisfaction watching women freak out when they learn they can't take their makeup or that fucking two-liter bottle of Evion on board. Day tripping businessmen whining because they have to check their garmet bags are the icing on the cake. Now....if the TSA would ban pillows and teddy bears from those insecure fucks that have to travel with their "blankie" or 'teddy", life would be perfect.

Mere words alone can't express the hatred I have towards those ass holes that refuse to check their luggage. These self-important fucks don't want to wait for their luggage at baggage claim. They are too important for that. They'd rather block the aisles and slow down boarding with their fat asses while they stuff that garmet bag in the overhead. Then there are the women who stuff 100 pounds of shit into their 50 pound rolling bags - while lugging a purse the size of a steamer trunk. And they never put that fucking purse under the seat....no....it has to go in the overhead so they can stretch their legs. I can see the satasfaction on their faces when they take up twice as much space than necessary. Bitches!

jrm

The Public Servant

2006-04-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

I'm going through security at Colorado Springs on my way to Los Angeles. As usual, I stripped myself of all metal - watch, belt, cell phone, coin, etc., before I got in the security screening line. All I have to do when I get to the X-Ray is pull my laptop out of my case and take off my shoes. I never set the machine off. I don't carry scissors, clippers, or penknives in my briefcase, so I rarely have my carry-on flagged.

Anyway, I hear a commotion up ahead as I pass through the metal detector. Here is TSA going through a guy's briefcase. Obviously, the person looking at the X-Ray screen spotted something that wasn't kosher. Bing! The TSA guy pulls out a keychain with one of those Swiss Army penknives attached to it.

The owner of the knife, a guy in his mid 30's, freaks out when TSA says he has to; 1 - go back to the main terminal and give the knife to someone to take home for him; 2 - go back to the main terminal and pay a vendor to send the knife back to his home; or 3 - TSA confiscates the knife.

First if all, where has this stupid bastard been the past 4 ½ years, on some other planet? Anyone with an IQ better than that of a doorknob knows you can't take a knife, any knife, on a commercial flight.

I'm enjoying this circus, so I grab a spot at a nearby table and take my time putting away my laptop and putting on my shoes.

Now the guy is arguing the knife wasn't found at Washington National, so why should TSA take it now? The TSA people, keeping their cool, explained to the guy that the knife should have been found and confiscated at Washington. Now, get this, this guy flashes a U.S. Government I.D. card, says he's an employee of the U.S. Government, and as such, he should be able to carry the knife. I couldn't help myself - I bust out with a massive "Guffaw" when I heard that shit. Who does this asshole think he is............James Bond?

This is just another example of what's wrong with our Government. Government employees, from the President on down to the White House janitors, have long forgotten they work for the taxpayers. They are no longer Public Servants. They think they are above us all with their fat government pensions and expense accounts. And some even think they are above the law and can carry contraband on commercial airplanes.

Anyway, I headed for the restaurant to get some breakfast, so I didn't get to see the outcome of this little comedy, but I knew he would lose the knife. I did see Mr. Dumb Ass Government Employee as I boarded the plane. I could tell by the look on his face that he was properly pissed-off that he had to leave the knife with the TSA. He was in line waiting to board and I was on my way to First Class. Fuck him.

jm

Ground Observations

2006-01-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

A few mental notes.

While I was waiting for my baggage to come down at LAX last week, I stepped outside baggage claim to the sidewalk to have a smoke and make some phone calls. The airport seemed busy for a Saturday afternoon as hundreds of people were standing on the curb waiting for their rides, and while hundreds of "rides" were trying to illegally park in "Immediate Passenger Loading and Unloading" zones. I have to hand it to the enforcement cops at LAX. They really kept their cool while they kept these Bozos on the move and from jamming up the curb with illegal parking.

Several "rides" kept going around once and then parking again. They got busted again and had to move on. Quite frankly, if I were one of those cops, after the second verbal warning I would have dragged the dumb bastards from their cars, pistol-whipped them, and then arrested their asses.

There is no justice.

When I got to San Francisco a few days later, it was a different picture. I was having my usual smoke while waiting for luggage, and people were parking in the Immediate Loading zones with impunity. Finally, one lone cop walks up and taps on their car while gesturing them to "move along". Can you believe some of these pious ass holes actually were offended and tried to argue with the cop? Again, the cop kept his cool and got them to move on before resuming his patrol - which was at least a quarter mile of curb. As soon as he turned his back, the same people were back parking illegally. There is no way this one lone cop can do the job. He is spread too thin.

Once - just once, I'd love to be able to help the cops enforce that law.........With immunity from prosecution of course, because I'd be busting heads, kicking ass, and taking names.

JM

I'm Getting Soft?

2005-12-21T16:13:00.000-08:00

It's been 90 days and 32 flight segments since my last rant, and here I sit in my 25th story suite at the Las Vegas Hilton, with no flying storys to complain about. No doubt, school starting has a great deal to do with it. There are only a few little bastards running around the airport these days. Yeah, there were ankle-biters running around the terminals near Thanksgiving day, and even more terrorizing the terminals as Christmas nears, but the small numbers are bearable.

There are the perpetual fruitcakes and certified nuts that question why they can't get full service meals on their two hour economy class flight from Denver to Los Angeles. That one is always good for a chuckle. TSA is still rummaging through my baggage - they know me and my bags well by now, that's why they always take a look. They want to see all the latest shoe fashions for Back-To-School 2006. I really don't mind. They re-pack my bags better than I originally packed them. On my way home from Seattle last week, I just threw my clothes in the suitcase. When I got home, my clothes were folded and neatly packed. If my mother wasn't dead, I'd swear she got a job with TSA.

From my window, I can see the jets stacking up on approach to McCarren, and I wonder why no one and nothing has pissed me off in the past 30-days. Am I getting soft, or am I just growing a thicker skin? No. It's just the way things have been lately. I haven't mellowed out. It won't be long before some moron, at some terminal or airplane, will trip my trigger.

It could happen tomorrow as I go home for Christmas, but I hope not. I've been of good cheer this past week looking forward to home and the Holidays. I don't need some jerk-off fucking that up.

jr

It's In The Bag

2005-08-15T01:21:00.000-07:00

Up at 4:00 am Sunday morning for a 7:10 am flight from Colorado Springs to Los Angeles, with a stop in Denver. Yeah, it isn’t civilized but typical to my line of work. I don’t really mind getting up early, but I hate it when you get up before the chickens and the flight is delayed. Ok, Ok. The airlines can’t help the weather, but they could improve the way they treat you when you get separated from your luggage due to canceled or missed flights.

We left Colorado Springs two hours late and I missed my connection to Los Angeles. When I re-booked a new flight, I asked the United agent if my bags would be on the same jet. She assured me that the bags would travel with me. Fuck me for believing her, and fuck everyone else at United.

When I got into Los Angeles, my bag didn’t make it, so I went to the United baggage desk to see where it was. The agent tapped my numbers into her terminal and said the bags were on another flight that would arrive at 3:30 pm. The agent assured me that I would have my bags delivered to me at my hotel no later than 5:00 pm. That was cool with me so I filled out the forms and caught the shuttle to pick up my rental car and check in to the hotel.

When I checked in, I went to the bell desk and told the captain that my bag would arrive by 5:00 pm. He grimaced and said they usually don’t start seeing late baggage until at least 7:30 pm. Again, that was cool with me so I went up to my room for a short nap. At 7:30 I went down for dinner but decided to check with the bell desk to see if the bag was there. It wasn’t. Now my stomach is starting to churn and despite the fact that I hadn't had a meal in 24 hours, my usually healthy appetite went south.

Back in my room, I call the number of the delivery contractor the airline uses for late baggage. The fuck that answered the phone couldn’t speak English. I’m trying to communicate with this illiterate prick and he hangs up on me. Now I’m worried and properly pissed. I called United Airlines baggage service and get the good old talking menu bullshit, then a transfer to an alleged agent. I finally gave up after 30 minutes on hold. I tried to call the United baggage people at LAX but got nowhere. I look at the clock; it’s 10:00 pm.

At 11:00 o’clock, after several more failed attempts to contact United baggage, I’d had a can full. I caught the hotel shuttle to the airport and went to the baggage desk. It was manned by a sour looking older man and a sleepy-eyed middle-age woman. The old guy was doing nothing so I approached him first. I told him what happened and he said that since I had filed a late bag claim, I would have to wait for the bag to be delivered to me by their contractor. “Bull shit”, said I. I told him to check the tracking numbers and let me know if my bag was even at the airport. This lazy cocksucker told me no. I freaked out and the yelling match was on. I knew if this shit went on for long, security would be breathing down my neck, and I was under no illusions as to whom would be dragged into the back room for interrogation. Since 9/11, these airport bozos have absolute power and they can make your life miserable if they want too.

Thankfully, the sleepy looking woman intervened. She too, told me I’d have to wait for the delivery. I told her all she had to do was enter the tracking numbers and let me know where my bag was. How hard can that be? She relented and entered the numbers and guess what? In three seconds I learned that the fucking bag has been at the airport in terminal 7, at carousel 3, since 3:30 pm. I’m off and running to collect my bag, but before I left, the old guy snapped, “are you happy now?” I told the lazy asshole to fuck off, which shouldn't be too hard for him since all he was doing was fucking off.

There was my bag, chained down next to the carousel along with at least 70 other bags. I found the United agent, got the bag, and headed for the hotel shuttle. It’s now Monday morning, 1:15 am. I haven't had a meal since Saturday evening. My first appointment is at 8:00 am in downtown Los Angeles. Shit!!! Another great day at the office.

JR

Am I Valid?

2005-08-10T23:15:00.000-07:00

I’m on my way home from a successful selling trip to a major footwear retailer who is based in Burbank, CA. This was my first time flying into and out of the Burbank airport and I was really surprised how tiny it is. Just to give you an idea, there is only one luggage carousel for several airlines and you walk to the rental car vendors.

The flight from Denver to Burbank was interesting since I sat next to Kim Basinger. She still lives in Aspen and was probably going out to Hollywood on business. We said hello to each other but didn’t converse beyond that. I sneaked a few glances of her and I could see that behind her sunglasses was the face of a 52 year-old woman. I hope she saved the money she made in her younger years and has some juicy residuals coming in. By Hollywood standards, her big earning days are over and she might as well be a thousand years old.

Anyway, I used online check in the night before my 7:00 am homeward flight, and printed my boarding pass on the Cannon i80 I lug around. I left the hotel at 5:00 am, leaving time to return my rental car and walk to the terminal. I got to the check in counter at about 5:25. There was already a line and no one was working the station. I couldn’t use the EZ Check In because I was checking bags, so I had to wait it out in the line.

A sleepy-eyed ticket agent finally shows up at a quarter to six and I work my way up to the EZ Check terminal and check my bags. The agent tags my bags and I take them to the TSA x-ray area. I aced security and arrived at the gate about an hour and ten minutes before flight time. There wasn’t much happening at the gate so I sat back and did some people watching. The gate agent was at his post and although I noticed a confused look on his face, I paid no attention since I figured I look confused at six o’clock in the morning too.

The call to board came at 6:30, and holding Premier Executive status, I was one of the first to board the jet. I took my usual “A” window seat, buckled in and slumped down ready for a snooze. A young man sat in the seat next to me. He had a perturbed look on his face, which I wrote off to the early hour. I ignored him, settled back, sleep starting to come ……… and then the shit hit the fan.

The gate agent and a bitchy-looking female flight attendant were standing in the aisle asking the guy sitting next to me for his boarding pass stub. He pulls it out and said he had seat 3-A. Sure enough, the stub said 3-A. I pull out my e-boarding pass, which showed my seat assignment as 3-A. The flight attendant snaps, “let me see that”, and rips my boarding pass out of my hands. That was a bad fucking move. My stomach started to churn and I could hear the blood pounding through my veins. Now the stupid cunt is saying my boarding pass isn’t valid because I got it on line and not at the gate. I’m saying it sure as hell is valid! I have to be very careful now. I’m totally enraged and ready to strangle this fucking whore right in front of everyone, but I held my tongue since these airline bozos have more power than that bastard Hitler’s Gestapo.

I’m holding my tongue but I know from the sound of gate agent’s voice that my face was mass of maniacal rage. He was trying calm me down, explaining that there was a last minute change in airplanes and the seating configuration was different. I told him that I am confirmed for seat 3-A, I'm sitting in seat 3-A, and I don’t see why the change in configuration should affect me. I further noted that United Airlines .com would be very interested in any explaination why my e-boarding pass wasn’t valid.

The dumb whore of a flight attendant is now waving my boarding pass in the gate agent’s face, nearly screaming, that it wasn’t “valid”. “Give that back to me”, I snapped as I lunged toward her. The slut drew her hand with my boarding pass out of my reach and looked at me with a “you can’t talk that way to me” look on her face. Before she could open her fucking mouth again, the gate agent grabs my boarding pass from her and looks at it. It was then that he must have seen my premier status. He says, “OK, you are staying where you are”, pointing at me, “and you are staying where you are”, pointing at the guy next to me, who hadn’t said a word and looked like he’d rather be anywhere but where he was.

The gate agent sent the flight attendant to handle another four passengers whose seat assignments were totally fucked up. When she left, he apologized to me and gave me back my boarding pass. I told him that I have everyone’s names and would decide by the time I got to Denver how I would proceed. He apologized once more and left the plane. I settled back in but there was no way I was going to catch that nap after all the excitement.

I didn’t see the dumb bitch flight attendant for the rest of the flight, even when we landed in Denver. Maybe they had her in the back in a straight jacket. Anyway, I did write to United and any day now, I expect to be receiving a letter of apology and a couple of system wide first class upgrades.

JR

Barbarians at the Gate

2005-07-05T21:46:00.000-07:00

Schools out. Yeah, it's been out for over a month now as every frequent flyer knows. The planes are jammed with families on their way to Vacation Land; graduating teens going off to Aruba to get drunk, stoned, raped and murdered; little Jimmy and Susan going to see daddy for his summer visitation; and granny and grandpa are off to Las Vegas because summer room rates are cheap, meaning they'll have more money to dump down the slot machines. ("Fuck your heart pill money, Flossy. President Bush is going to make the working stiffs pick up the tab") The extra dead-heads and deadbeats stumbling around the concourse is bad enough, but add to that the dumb shit parents let their children get away with and you wind up with a major pain in the ass.

Going through Denver last week, I had to dodge a "dad" with a football who was playing catch with his kid..........right on the concourse! What's with you parents today? Your kid's (and some alleged parents) are running around the terminal like wild savages......and you think it's a precious moment? I know you think junior is just so cute when he's playing on the moving walkway and escalator......"mommy, mommy, look at me". What happens when your little monster knocks an old lady down and she breaks her hip? I'd rather your little bastard get tangled up in the machinery and get his arm ripped off. Then we'll see how cute your fucking kid is. Speaking of the moving walkway, if you are just going to stand on that thing, STAND TO THE RIGHT, you fucking dummy.

When you board the plane, don't ask me to change seats so you and your family can all sit together. I don't give a shit about you and your miserable family, let alone whether you all get to sit together. If you are too stupid to book your seats together, then fuck you in the ear. If you booked your flight late and had to take any available seat, then fuck you in the other ear. If one of your little monsters is lucky enough to sit next to me, he'd better keep still and quiet or he's going to get an elbow right in the chops.....and please, next vacation, tell your 10 year-old pussy he has to leave his pillow and blankie at home. There's not enough room on the plane for legitimate carry-on as it is.

And then....there is baggage claim. In spite of constant announcements over the airport PA......... "Parents, please do not allow your children to sit or play on or around the baggage carousel" ......... your little darlings are climbing all over it. What! You think those announcements are meant for everyone but you and your spoiled rotten spawn? Once, just once, I'd love to see that metal conveyer bite off a kid's finger. I'll bet the little son-of a-bitch won't be fucking around baggage claim any time soon. If I'm ever lucky enough to see that happen, I'll be sure to give my information to airport management, just in case you think you can score with a law suit. I'll go a million miles out of my way to testify that it was your fault.........that'll totally fuck up you and your shyster lawyer's day, won't it?

In all fairness, I have to admit that I have seen many children that aren't in the classification described above. They are sitting down with coloring books, I-Pods, and hand held video games, not bothering anyone. My complements to their good parents. Unfortunately, this group represents a small minority.

9/11 was tragic, but there is a silver lining to the awful events of that day. If you don't have a ticket, you don't get on the concourse. Hallelujah! No matter what your stance is on the War on Terror, the victims of 9/11 did not die in vain. No more families (10 - 20 people in many cases) blocking the jet way exit while hugging and kissing their arriving relative; no more families taking up all the seats at the gate while they wait to see granny off. I hated that shit, and now I don't have to put up with it. All you lovey-dovey fucks are on the other side of security......and I bet that really pisses you off.

Hubba, Hubba, Hubba.

JR.

Mr. Wonderful

2005-06-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

There’s at least one on every flight. You know, the guy who has to get back into his briefcase 10 times after he stows it in the overhead; the guy who will not get off his fucking cell phone when the door is closed; the guy who will just not sit the fuck down so the plane can get a push-back. You’ve seen this asshole before – yeah him. He thinks he’s the end of the world. I call him Mr. Wonderful.

Yesterday, I wanted to kill this cocksucker before the plane ever left the gate. Mr. Wonderful stands right in the middle of the aisle with his fat ass blocking traffic while he stows his briefcase and carry-on in the overhead. Then he sits in the wrong fucking seat. Now, the passenger who was assigned the seat occupied by Mr. Wonderful shows up. Mr. Wonderful gets his fat ass up to move to where he should have been in the first place, but he is moving his briefcase……..jesus-h-christ! The fucking briefcase is just across the aisle. What’s the big deal? Leave the son-of-a-bitching briefcase where it is, get your fat ass out of the aisle, and sit the fuck down.

Now this dumb prick is where he should be, but he’s up again ………..blocking traffic…….getting into his briefcase……… out comes the fucking laptop. He sits and puts the computer into the seat pocket. He has to know we aren’t taking off as long as that computer is in that pocket, but then, he’s special, he’s Mr. Wonderful; he can do as he pleases. The fucker is up again, and blocking the aisle………back into the briefcase. Out comes the paperback. Is this fuck going to read or play solitaire? He puts the paperback in the same pocket as the laptop. Bing! He’s up again!!!……blocking the aisle…….. rummaging through the briefcase, but he takes nothing out. I see the flight attendants looking at this guy, two of them quietly laughing amongst themselves, but attendant number 3 fails to see the humor.. I know what she’s thinking. She’d like to grab an oxygen bottle and crack this guy’s skull wide open.

Mr. Wonderful’s cell phone rings about a minute before the doors close, and he’s yakking away. The attendants come up the aisle to check for seatbelts….sure enough, Mr. Wonderful cocksucker hasn’t buckled in…..then the attendant spies the laptop stuffed in the seatback. She tells this jack off he can’t leave the laptop there for take off…he has to stow it in the overhead or under the seat……Mr. Wonderful …still yakking on the frigging cell phone shakes his head “ok”, then the incredible asshole is standing up in the aisle again….while he should be buckled in…..laptop in one hand and cell phone in the other………still yakking……both hands full…..trying to unzip his fucking briefcase to stow the laptop. Why couldn’t this piece of shit just put the fucking thing under the seat for 15 minutes?

The doors are closed. Everyone is settled and buckled in, even Mr. Wonderful, but the jack off is still yakking on his cell phone. The flight attendant announces “ all cell phones must be turned off…yada yada, yada…..” Guess who’s still talking on the cell? Another flight attendant goes up to Mr. Wonderful and tells him….very politely…..”you’ll have you'll wrap up that phone call now, sir”. Mr. Wonderful nods his head…….still yakking. Another minute goes buy and Mr. Wonderful is still on that goddamned phone yakking away. The attendant, again very politely, tells Mr. Wonderful to “please turn off the cell phone, we need to push back from the gate.” Mr. Wonderful is again nodding his big fat fucking head…and still yakking.

Hey, the plane isn’t going to move until this stupid bastard turns off that cell phone. Another minute goes buy and flight attendant number 3, finally…and in a very nice way that this fuck didn’t deserve……tells Mr. Wonderful he has to ” turn off the cell right now” She wanted to cram that cell phone up his fat ass. I would have provided the vaseline.

WHAM! Mr. Wonderful slams the cell shut. “There. It’s off”, he snapped at the flight attendant. Can you believe this cocksucker is actually pissed off? The flight attendant’s face gets a bit red, but she maintains and goes about her business. She has the power to put people off a flight, and she had every reason to throw this guy’s fat ass right out the fucking door and onto the tarmac. She doesn't. There is no justice.

I’m not the only one watching this comedy. There were at least 15 other people watching Mr. Wonderful, and they were properly pissed. There were plenty of comments, incredulous glances and rolling of eyes. One of us could have walked up behind this asshole to garrote him, Sicilian style, and then claim self-defense…and all the others would have backed that story or claimed to have seen nothing.

Ok, this bastard is off the phone, buckled in, and we push back. I try to settle in but I’m still a bit restless because of this guy, infact, mu blood pressure is so high I can hear my heart thumping. We take off and are still climbing, seatbelt lights still on, when you know who gets up and heads for the toilet. The flight attendants say nothing…I’m surprised by this…but maybe like myself, they were praying we’d hit a real savage turbulent and Mr. Wonderful’s fat ass would be slammed into the roof and then to the floor. Maybe he’ll do the World a favor and break his fucking neck ……………
JR

The Exit Row

2005-06-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

My airline frequent flyer status allows me to book premium seats in advance, including the much coveted exit row. Now, the exit row is tough to snag, even for those frequent flyers with ‘Elite” status. There just aren’t that many to go around. Over the years, I’ve had my fair share, and I save my points and upgrades for first class seats on the really long flights

When you are lucky enough to get an exit row seat, you have to listen to the little speech; …”…are you physically able and willing to open the exit doors in the event of an emergency, yada, yada, yada.” You know the drill. I always say “yes” and nod my head. Hell, everyone says “Yes”, even the senile 99 year-old grandmother. Yeah right. Who in the fuck do you think she’s kidding? But who cares? It’s all bullshit. Think about it. One must first survive the emergency [crash] virtually unscathed, to perform the required tasks. I ask you, if that plane goes down, what do you think your chances are of survival are? I don’t know the actual crash survival statistics, but the odds are against you walking away with just a fucking backache. Everyone knows that dumb canned speech is crock of shit. That’s why no one really listens.

If the FAA and airlines were honest, here is what the flight crew should be saying. “ In the unlikely event you overcome incredible odds and actually survive a crash; if every vertebrae in your back isn’t crushed; if your arms are not ripped off your torso, if you aren’t soaked with, blinded by, and choking on jet fuel and burning like a roman candle, are you willing and able to……..?

JR

When a Stranger Offers You Gum

2005-06-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

I usually don’t mind the two-hour flight home from San Francisco on a Regional Jet. Yeah, they are small and a bit tight for a guy 6’1” and 205 pounds, but I enjoy the sensation of speed as you tear through the skies and it’s not really too cramped unless you get a 360 pound linebacker trying to squeeze into the seat next to you. That’s when the going gets tough.

Last fall, I was on an RJ from Los Angeles to Denver, about a two-hour flight, just settled in my window seat, leaning back with my eyes closed when I felt the armrest being ripped out from under me. Here is a young woman, at least 200 pounds of blubber, squeezing her fat ass into her seat and at least half of mine. She was friendly and giggly as she stowed her carry-on and squirmed comfortably back into “our” seats. You know, I really didn’t mind her. She was wearing a really sexy perfume and she initiated good conversation. Her heavy thighs pressed hard against my legs gave me a nice warm feeling, and when she reclined her seat for a nap, I too, dozed off with (I discovered later) my face buried into her huge left breast….which she didn’t seem to mind at all.

Things don’t always go that well. I decided to have a quick smoke before I went through security for another flight from SFO to Denver, so I stepped outside the terminal where I was approached by a disheveled young man who asked me for a light. As I struck the match, he stepped closer……whoa!!!!….. This guy stunk like he hadn’t had a bath in a year. But it wasn’t just B.O. The smell was sickeningly sour……like a cross between pizza-beer puke and pig shit. The stench was beyond belief. At first, I thought it was just his breath, like he’d been drinking rye whiskey or something, but the stench reeked from his entire body. Fuck that smoke. I excused myself and got out of there fast. Whew, that was bad.

I aced security and got to my gate just as they were boarding. I knew the flight was going to be full since it was Friday afternoon and the plane was an RJ-70, but I had my usual window seat and settled in for the flight.

I was delighted that the seat next to mine was still empty as the crew was getting ready to close the door, but there was one more passenger coming down the jet way. I looked up just as he boarded. NO! Please God, No! No! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! It was Stinky from outside, and he headed right for me. ARRRRRGGGGGG! Sure enough, Stinky takes the seat next to me. “Hey, small world”, said Stinky. I said “you bet”, leaned back and closed my eyes to feign sleep. He still wants to talk. I turned the overhead air vent to wide open ……… no help. I turned my head and planted my nose against the window. That didn’t help…….and this fucker is still trying to converse. I can’t take two hours of this. I’ll fucking die.

Hey….I’m not a prude, the people sitting around “us” were reacting too. They were shirking and turning away. The guy sitting in front of him turned around and looked to see where the smell was coming from.

The cabin door is shut and we’re rolling back……there is really not much I can do at this point, but I always carry gum and those little Listerine gel things. I pull out my briefcase, dig out the gum and Listerine, and offer some to Stinky……..he refuses!!! I’m like stuttering….are you sure…..are you really sure……really really really sure??? Yep, he was sure. I guess I could have told him he really needed the gum because his breath and B.O. would choke a African dung beetle……….but let me ask, would you? How the fuck are you going to phrase that one? “Listen, buddy. I have to tell you, you smell like pig shit”? I mean, how can one be tactful about this? I don’t want to hurt this guy’s feelings, but having to breath his stench is worse than a physical beating.

I survived the 2-hour flight, but just barely. I was so weak from shallow breathing that I almost didn’t make it up the jet way. The thin, Mile-High Denver atmosphere wasn’t any help, and I could still smell Stinky on my right shirtsleeve. Fuck! Another great day at the office.

JR

Bad "Encounter"

2005-05-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting for my wife to arrive at LAX from Colorado Springs, for a Memorial weekend together. Naturally, her flight is delayed and I have an hour to kill, so I decided to grab lunch at the so-called "World Famous" Encounter restaurant that occupies the center island at LAX.

The Encounter restaurant has been featured on the Travel Channel as a must see when in Los Angeles. I don't know what the fuck the producers at the Travel Channel were thinking, but the Encounter is an absolute piece of shit. The elevator is dark and stuffy, with really cheesey "space sound" effects that start to play when the doors close.

I survived the elevator, walk into the restaurant and wait to be seated. The decor, supposedly designed by Disney Studios, is as tacky as a futuristic French whore house. I look around....not busy......very few customers........12:00 noon.......bad sign. That little voice tells me to split, but a waiter appears out of nowhere and seats me before I can run. My table was next to the windows and I will admit, the view was fantastic if you get off on watching jets suddenly appear out of the smog on their way to a landing.

I open the menu and know I'm in deep shit. Five choices for appetizers, five sandwiches and five entrees. I settled on the "Angus Burger" with "Sea Salt Kettle Chips"........safe enough, after all, who can fuck up a $12.00 burger? A waiter takes my order and asked me what I'd like to drink. I ordered ice tea........and I know I should have asked if they served real ice tea or that frigging fruit flavored shit........but I didn't. Here comes the tea, and sure enough, the fucker is fuzzy peach or some other fruity shit. Ok, I'll drink the son-of -a-bitch as punishment for being stupid.

Now comes my $12.00 "Angus Burger". It was about the size of a Big Mack.....and I guess Angus beef is fine for those watching their fat intake, but that fucker was so dry I almost choked with my first bite and had to wash it down with that dreadful horse piss of a tea. Desperately hungry and wanting to get my $12.00 worth, I slather ketchup on that sucker in hopes it'll help it go down easier.......it did, but it was like eating saw dust dredged in ketchup. Naturally, that fucking ketchup runs down the dry, tastless bun and drips on my shirt.....that's just fucking terrific.

I give up on the saw dust burger and go for the chips. They were good. Fresh made kettle chips....nice and crisp, but they could have used a bit more salt. I finished them off and washed them down with the last of the horse piss tea. An hour has gone by and the wife should be arriving. I have just enough time to pay the check, get out of that shit hole, run to my car to change shirts, and collect the wife in baggage claim.

If you ever find yourself at LAX with some time to kill, don't be tempted to try the Encounter for a quick bite. It's a rip-off.

JR

Waterless Urinals at COS?

2005-05-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

What the hell is this? I used the restroom at Colorado Springs Airport and the urinals are waterless! My God, the restrooms in airports smell bad enough, and now the pin heads at COS just make the problem worse. What the hell is with these people? How much frigging water can they save, and at what cost? How many years to amortize the cost of those stupid urinals? The City of Colorado Springs is run by Republicans who allegedly don't buy into this save the planet bull shit. Did these assholes go native?

At least they didn't remove the petitions that separate the urinals. I refuse to use urinals that aren't petitioned. You're standing there doing your thing - with a dozen vacant urinals off to your right, and in walks some Bozo using the one right next to you. Something is wrong here. What is this guy, a fag? Why the fuck couldn't he use one farther down the line? Do I hear "Dueling Banjos" on the intercom? Then, the asshole gets done and starts shaking the dew off his stick.........piss flying in every direction......I jump back to avoid getting hit with his piss. Not fast enough. The asshole leaves without washing his pissy hands while I'm at the sink with paper towels trying to get his piss off my new Jerry Garcia tie.

And then there is Chicago O'Hare. The restrooms at ORD take first place in the filthy category. I don't know what people eat in Chicago the night before they fly, but the stink in the restrooms would choke a cock roach. And....no petitions at the urinals....I guess people in Chicago like to piss on each other.......so I go for the toilet stall. Piss on the floor an inch deep. Piss running down the walls. Piss all over those stupid automatic seat liners. And the guy in the next stall stinks like he ate the ass out of a dead wart hog. Ever try to hold your breath for 4 fucking minutes?

Oh, but there is no smoking in airports. Huh Uh! Light up and they throw your ass in jail. Let me tell you, the obnoxious smell of cigarette smoke is nothing compared to airport restroom stench. Forget the bull shit about second-hand-smoke health risks. Breathing 95% methane gas is good for you? One should be able to light up in the crappers in airports. It would improve the air quality, except at O'Hare. It's so fucking bad there, one spark and the whole terminal could disappear.

Air Rage

2005-04-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

I fly almost every week of the year and it can be stressful at times. Long lines, TSA Bozos, morons trying to get through security with a pocket knife, lost luggage, canceled flights. I can handle that. What I can't handle is the shit that goes down when the plane is boarding.

You've seen them. You know what I mean. Hell, you might be one of them! The fat ass blocking the isle while he tries to fold his cheap-ass sport coat and neatly place it into the overhead, which never works out because other people jam their carry-on on top of it. Then there is the jack-off tree hugger trying to jam his backpack, which is larger than some compact cars, into the overhead. I'd like to jam that backpack up his liberal ass.

I hate the little old ladies that board out of turn. They fucking know their row wasn't called, yet they try to board anyway....and most of the time the gate people let them get away with it. I had one on my most recent flight from LAX to San Francisco. I swear that old bitch nearly knocked me down when she crowded in front of me. I followed her down the isle, which took forever because fat ass was folding his shitty sport coat and blocking the isle, until she stopped, turned to me and asked me to lift her carry-on and put it in the overhead. I told her to piss off, then I brushed by her and found my seat. She had a lot of nerve.

The worst fucks of all-time are the ones that think they have to sit together.......no matter that they bought their tickets late and most of the seats had been assigned.........they think they are entitled to have other passengers move. You see this shit all the time. Three giggly bimbos on their first trip to Vegas, young couples with their spoiled brats, blocking the isles and playing musical chairs while trying to con others out of their assigned seats. So far, none of these assholes have asked me to change seats. I think they see the look on my face and think better of it.

My next flight is this Friday, April 22nd. Have to fly back to LA and then the regional jet back to Colorado Springs. Two hours in the RJ and I'll be ready for a drink.