Who Cries for Paris?

I got into Los Angeles late last night after a hectic week in hot and muggy Dallas. That cool Pacific coast air never tasted so good, even with the pollution. The airport was a frigging zoo. I've never seen it so busy, but my luggage came down before I finished a cigarette.

As I drove to my hotel, I tuned the radio in my rental car to KFI and heard a report that the Judge that sentenced Paris Hilton to jail was miffed that Sheriff Baca had cut her loose to finish her jail time at home. Now today, Ms Hilton is on her way back to jail. If I'd been busted just once for driving with a suspended license and failed to appear for court ordered alcohol classes, you can bet I'd be in the slammer and not as anal-retentive as I was before. Hilton was busted twice and then pissed off the judge because she showed up late for court.

I'm no fan of Paris Hilton. Her original 45-day jail sentence was a sweet deal by any standard. She broke the law and now she has to do the time just like the rest of us slobs. I truly feel this way but when I saw the pictures of her crying in the back of that police car.........I wept. When I read about her crying for her mother after the judge ordered her back to jail.......I wept.

I cried not only for the broken little lost soul in the back of that police car, but I cried for the judge and the prosecutors who were just doing their jobs. What a shitty fucking business. Don't get me wrong. I haven't completely lost it. I'm plenty pissed off by this whole mess, and 100% of that anger is directed at Paris' bitch of a cunting mother.

Kathy Hilton is a fucking piece of shit who failed as a mother. For the past several years, her daughter has been acting like a two-bit slut. Sex videos all over the inter net, crotch shots of Paris while she wasn't wearing underwear, drunken and doped up club hopping, etc, etc, etc. Where was her mother during all this. I don't give a fuck that Paris is 25-years old and can do as she pleases (as long as she is willing to do the time). This goes way back to how Paris was raised, and I can only summarize that she was raised as a slut by the biggest slut of them all....her cunting mother.

If Kathy Hilton had any decency, it would have shown in her child. A lot of cunting mothers are raising their daughters the same way....trying to be their best friend instead of a mother. Yes, I do hold Paris personally accountable for the shit she has gotten into, but I'll not get pissed off at her when I can blame her cunting mother.

And before you say, "well, what about her father", don't even get me started on that weak piece of shit..........................



jr

Nobody Cares (Boo Hoo Hoo)

A couple of weeks ago, I read a letter to the editor in USA Today that really set me off. Before I go on, let me make clear that I hate that fucking liberal rag of a newspaper. I only read it when I'm on the road and it's left at my hotel room door in the morning. It's great for passing time when having that early morning dump, that's all. Anyway, the author of the letter was whining because only ticketed passengers were allowed to pass through security at airports. "I don't get to say goodbye to loved ones and no one cares", he whines.

Hey dick-head! I got some news for you. Lines to get through security are getting longer and you want to add to TSA's workload? I have to wake up an hour earlier and stand in security lines for an hour so you can see your sack of shit wife or "granny" off?

As it is, airport concourses are crowded with legitimate travelers. There aren't enough chairs to accommodate everyone. The restaurants and lounges are filled to capacity. The line to get a cup of Starbucks is never less than twenty people deep, and one has to stand in line for the honor of taking a piss in the filthy, smelly airport restrooms.

Yeah dick-head. You're 100% right about one thing. I don't care about you or your fucking piece of shit family. If saying goodbye at the curb like normal people isn't good enough for you, then you can piss off, you fucking narcissistic moron.

jr

How Dumb Can One Get?

I'm changing planes in Denver while flying home from an especially brutal sales meeting in San Diego. After that meeting, I had little tolerance left for incompetence and stupidity.

My ass was dragging as I walked to the opposite side of Terminal B, not using the people movers because they were jammed up with families headed for Thanksgiving Day at grannies; their spoiled rotten spawn walking - running - tumbling - etc - the opposite direction it was moving. I had the extra time so I decided to go up to the smokers lounge for a drink and a couple of smokes to see me through the balance of the trip.

As I headed for the escalator to the lounge, an older woman stopped me by grabbing onto my arm. Not a smart move in any circumstance. Pointing to the sign above that said "Gates 34B - 18B (with an arrow pointing up to designate straight ahead)", the lady asked me....."My plane is at Gate 23B. Does that arrow mean I have to go up?"

I couldn't restrain myself...........I let out a "guffaw" and said, "JesusHChrist" lady, are you nuts?" She didn't answer, but that deer in the headlights look on her face told me what I needed to know. I explained to her that the arrow meant straight ahead, not up, and that she should walk on the left side where the odd numbered gates were. Then she said, "Which side was left?"

That did it. I can't take it any more. I turned away from her and headed up to the smoking lounge where I slammed down five Crown Royal's on the rocks in ten minutes and smoked my brains out.

I remember getting onto my flight, but the drive home was a little foggy.

j

The Lord taketh away

August 31, 2006. A day I'll never forget. I was bored with the company I was working for and let myself get recruited to another company that needs my expertise. I won't go into the details, but a lot of promises were made to lure me in and now those promises are not being kept. Thus, I've been a bit edgy this past month.

Such was the case on August, 31st, the last day of a trade show in Las Vegas. I'd had a can full of the typical corporate cliches and rah-rah bullshit. I just wanted to get the fuck out of that convention hall and work with real customers. I left early so I could see an account in Henderson, and when the appointment was over, they gave me a lift to McCarren. The timing was good as I arrived about an hour before my flight was scheduled for take-off.

There was quite a line at check in, but it was moving fast and I was soon on my way to concourse D. I got there only to discover my flight to Denver was delayed one hour. Ok, no problem. I got a snack and a coke, and started playing the slots. I won $77 bucks (The Lord Giveth) and felt pretty good. Then, another 30-minutes was added to the delay. Now, I knew I was in danger of missing my connection in Denver. That snack started to rumble in my gut.

As it was, there were no more delays, we took off, and I figured I'd make my connection with about 5 minutes to spare. I leaned my chair back and didn't wake up until we landed in Denver. I have to get from Terminal A to terminal B to make the connection, so I didn't waste any time getting to the train. At terminal B, I checked the monitors and saw that my connection had been delayed for one and one-half hours. This would put me into Colorado Springs at about midnight. I was starving so I headed for the restaurants, but they were all closing as it was about 10:30 pm. OK, no problem. I grabbed a bag of peanuts at a news stand and headed for the Smoking Lounge. They were busy. I sat down and ordered a bloody mary to have with my peanuts. I ended up drinking two bloody marys........I never have more than one drink, but the first one took the edge off and I thought "what the hell".

The lounge was closing so I headed for the gate only to find another half-hour delay. Fuck! It's almost 11:00 pm. I'm tired. I'm pissed off. I just want to go home. Finally, the jet arrived - we boarded - I was sleeping before we pushed back. I woke up when we landed in Colorado Springs. It was now 12:50 am. Headed to collect the luggage and waited......and waited.....and waited. It seems the cargo door on the jet was stuck. What the fuck else can happen? Finally, the luggage came.

The drive home was uneventful until a county sheriff pulls me over. He says I was doing 67 mph in a 45 mph zone. He said his "office" was getting a lot of complaints from people in the area. I told him I wasn't watching my speed, but this is a rural area and at 1:35 in the morning, who in the hell would be complaining? The cop didn't like this and I had to be careful because I had two bloody mary's to worry about. He took my information back to his cruiser, but before he left, he told me to not get out of the vehicle. About ten minutes went buy and I saw another cruiser pull up with the words supervisor on the side. Uh oh. Now I'm really worried, and thinking about the whole deal, I'm not so sure I was speeding in the first place. But, I couldn't argue because I was afraid the bastard would want me to take a breath test.....which I would have refused....and then the shit would have really started.

The cop finally comes back to the window with my ticket in hand. He says he gave me a break and wrote me up for doing less than 20 mph over the limit. The fine would be $77.00. (The Lord Taketh Away) What could I do? I had the drinks....he had the gun and back-up. I signed the fucking ticket and went home. The County Sheriff is a personal friend and up for re-election. I thought I'd go see him next week before I paid the fine, but he might think I was being an ass since he is up for re-election. I don't want to put him on the spot, so I'll just eat the fucking $77.00 and chalk it up to experience.

jr

Silver Lining

I'm out of my funk. New TSA regulations banning almost all liquids on airplanes, and the resultant sour faces and whining have re-charged my batteries.

I'm realizing maximum satisfaction watching women freak out when they learn they can't take their makeup or that fucking two-liter bottle of Evion on board. Day tripping businessmen whining because they have to check their garmet bags are the icing on the cake. Now....if the TSA would ban pillows and teddy bears from those insecure fucks that have to travel with their "blankie" or 'teddy", life would be perfect.

Mere words alone can't express the hatred I have towards those ass holes that refuse to check their luggage. These self-important fucks don't want to wait for their luggage at baggage claim. They are too important for that. They'd rather block the aisles and slow down boarding with their fat asses while they stuff that garmet bag in the overhead. Then there are the women who stuff 100 pounds of shit into their 50 pound rolling bags - while lugging a purse the size of a steamer trunk. And they never put that fucking purse under the seat....no....it has to go in the overhead so they can stretch their legs. I can see the satasfaction on their faces when they take up twice as much space than necessary. Bitches!

jrm

The Public Servant

I'm going through security at Colorado Springs on my way to Los Angeles. As usual, I stripped myself of all metal - watch, belt, cell phone, coin, etc., before I got in the security screening line. All I have to do when I get to the X-Ray is pull my laptop out of my case and take off my shoes. I never set the machine off. I don't carry scissors, clippers, or penknives in my briefcase, so I rarely have my carry-on flagged.

Anyway, I hear a commotion up ahead as I pass through the metal detector. Here is TSA going through a guy's briefcase. Obviously, the person looking at the X-Ray screen spotted something that wasn't kosher. Bing! The TSA guy pulls out a keychain with one of those Swiss Army penknives attached to it.

The owner of the knife, a guy in his mid 30's, freaks out when TSA says he has to; 1 - go back to the main terminal and give the knife to someone to take home for him; 2 - go back to the main terminal and pay a vendor to send the knife back to his home; or 3 - TSA confiscates the knife.

First if all, where has this stupid bastard been the past 4 ½ years, on some other planet? Anyone with an IQ better than that of a doorknob knows you can't take a knife, any knife, on a commercial flight.

I'm enjoying this circus, so I grab a spot at a nearby table and take my time putting away my laptop and putting on my shoes.

Now the guy is arguing the knife wasn't found at Washington National, so why should TSA take it now? The TSA people, keeping their cool, explained to the guy that the knife should have been found and confiscated at Washington. Now, get this, this guy flashes a U.S. Government I.D. card, says he's an employee of the U.S. Government, and as such, he should be able to carry the knife. I couldn't help myself - I bust out with a massive "Guffaw" when I heard that shit. Who does this asshole think he is............James Bond?

This is just another example of what's wrong with our Government. Government employees, from the President on down to the White House janitors, have long forgotten they work for the taxpayers. They are no longer Public Servants. They think they are above us all with their fat government pensions and expense accounts. And some even think they are above the law and can carry contraband on commercial airplanes.

Anyway, I headed for the restaurant to get some breakfast, so I didn't get to see the outcome of this little comedy, but I knew he would lose the knife. I did see Mr. Dumb Ass Government Employee as I boarded the plane. I could tell by the look on his face that he was properly pissed-off that he had to leave the knife with the TSA. He was in line waiting to board and I was on my way to First Class. Fuck him.



jm

Ground Observations

A few mental notes.

While I was waiting for my baggage to come down at LAX last week, I stepped outside baggage claim to the sidewalk to have a smoke and make some phone calls. The airport seemed busy for a Saturday afternoon as hundreds of people were standing on the curb waiting for their rides, and while hundreds of "rides" were trying to illegally park in "Immediate Passenger Loading and Unloading" zones. I have to hand it to the enforcement cops at LAX. They really kept their cool while they kept these Bozos on the move and from jamming up the curb with illegal parking.

Several "rides" kept going around once and then parking again. They got busted again and had to move on. Quite frankly, if I were one of those cops, after the second verbal warning I would have dragged the dumb bastards from their cars, pistol-whipped them, and then arrested their asses.

There is no justice.

When I got to San Francisco a few days later, it was a different picture. I was having my usual smoke while waiting for luggage, and people were parking in the Immediate Loading zones with impunity. Finally, one lone cop walks up and taps on their car while gesturing them to "move along". Can you believe some of these pious ass holes actually were offended and tried to argue with the cop? Again, the cop kept his cool and got them to move on before resuming his patrol - which was at least a quarter mile of curb. As soon as he turned his back, the same people were back parking illegally. There is no way this one lone cop can do the job. He is spread too thin.

Once - just once, I'd love to be able to help the cops enforce that law.........With immunity from prosecution of course, because I'd be busting heads, kicking ass, and taking names.

JM